Author's Note: I'll admit -- I was inspired to write this by numerous emails I receive each day that would make English teachers shudder uncontrollably. Not only the grammatically-challenged and spelling-challenged emails, but Internet sites and promotional items as well.
Wow, YOU ARE SO LUCKY that you got this here report! You see, my friends told me I couldn’t make no money with a computer, but as you can see – I PROVED THEM ALL WRONG!
Even my wife left me when I told her I was quitting my job to become the next Kneel Shuring. I’m sure you all know who Kneel is. I mean, you bought this report because you want to be an online marketer like me – and if you don’t know Knel, then maybe you’re just too stupid to make any money in this business.
Now, save youre money. Cause you can learn all you need to no just by reading the ads. You dont need to really buy any of the stuff. Those big ads told me all I needed to do to be successful.
Well, my wife did leave me the dog when she left. So at least I still have him. I let him stay in the house now; Betty Jean never did much like it when I let him in. So he likes it better with her gone. And a professional online marketer needs support, not the constand nagging about this and that.
So I’m better off, and me and Roscoe (that’s my dog) still have the trailer. So don’t you worry none about me at all. I got my health, my compack 486 and my hulet packerd printer. Nevermind the fact that I made money last year – my very first year in business!!!
HOW many people DO you know what can say that?
Anyways – here’s my SECRET!!!
First – Get a Website. I got mine at geo-citys. Total Cost: not one red cent
ADDED BONUS: You dont have to worry about all that search engine stuff with a geo-site. So you can forget all about meat tags and keywords and all that stuff. So, not only do you save money, you save a lot of time and headaches.
Second – Get something to sell. Actu…ackshul…well, do more than that. Get a whole bunch of stuff. You see, I’m what they call a super affiliate. I joined coomission junction, be free, performics, share-a-sale, linkshare, Kneel’s site, and all the gambling and adult sites.
Here’s a hint – some of those places never let me have any links. They said i had to pay for a site first. Well, that’s plain stupid. Why do I have to pay for something I can get free? Those folks really need to think about the way they do business. I could have made them a lot of money. Anyway, I got the better of them cause I found some folks that didn’t care if I even had a website.
Third – Let the whole world know you got a site.
This may take some time, but I joined 347 groups on AOL and posted messages every day about my site. Yahoo was even better. I was able to join 436 groups, but they got this rule that you can only join 18 a day or something like that. So it took a while.
I didn’t have time to post messages in all those yahoo groups so I used my computer to write something about my site and posted it as a file to a few of the groups each day.
Then late at night while Betty Jean was sleeping, well, at least until she left, I got in those – hold on, I’ll think of it – aw, you know what I’m talking about. Those AOL rooms where you can go chat about stuff. You see, you can sneak a peek at everyone in those rooms and write down their email addresses. Then you can write one email and send it to all of them.
Well, AOL cancelled my service because they got uppity like those other places. But now I got this local provider who only charges fifty cents an hour for being online. And for about a dollar a day I can get my message out.
HINT: There are lots of places you can send free advertising, so do it. When they come back and ask you for money to do it again, just find somebody else.
Fourth – This probably shoulda been third. Get a way for people to pay you. Now, there ain’t no need in you paying for this. PayPal is free. Well, you really don’t even need this if you don’t have your own product. That’s what I like about those joining programs – you get money for selling thier stuff. I mean, companies like Dell computer will pay you as much as 5% for selling a computer, and they take care of everything.
Well, I couldn’t get any links from Dell – you know, that “you gotta pay for a website” stuff. But I no I could have sold computers. Thier loss.
Fifth – Sell those things you can get for free. You know, ther’s a whole bunch of stuff out there that you can download and sell it just like it’s your own. Hey, play the odds here. Every once in awhile someone will come along and buy it. Well, I haven’t really sold any of it yet, but I know I will.
Sixth – Don’t believe that stuff about making your site automatic. You know what I mean, at least those of you who know who Kneal is. And I can’t really believe you stupid people are still reading. What good is one of those automatic email things anyways? Somebody sends me an email; I need to read it so I know what to say to them.
How rude would I be to send everybody the same thing! kNeal talks about that a lot, so I think he may be wrong about that.
Seventh – What is ezine? I figure I made that money without knowing what this is, so you probably don’t need to know it either.
Eighth – Paid Advertising! Are you kidding? There lot’s of folks out there saying you should do this. They must have money to burn. In fact, there’s this chick who wrote an article for this self-same site telling you how to waste your money. I think her name is Ola Cousin, or something like that.
Ninth – Multi Levle Marketing Programs are a lot of trouble. I was readin about this one called SFI. I think it stands for Six Friends and Inlaws. You know, that's what I heard about MLM. The only successful people are those with big families and a lot of frends. It said it didn't cost nothing to join, so I did. And it said I didn't have to spend no money, so I didn't. So far, so good, huh? I'm a multi level marketer and ain't spent a penny. And you didn't need a website of any kind. I figured I was ahead of the game with my geocitys site.
But it got a mite tricky when I finally got around to readin the rules about not emailing anybody about it. Then I remembered my site. Wow, I was gonna rule the roost. Then I remembered it was just me and Roscoe; where was I gonna find six friends? No sense in talkin to my inlaws, you know, what with Betty Jean leavin and all.
Anyway, to shorten this advenchurus tail, I went down to Mable's Five and Dime and Honkytonk. She let me drape a napkin over the napkin holder on which I wrote, "Make money the easy way. Internet Guru here tonight." Then I gave ever body a napkin where I wrote the address of that site.
You know, when you join a program like that, they give you something called a referral number. Who knew? I didn't know I needed to give 'em that address with that number. Well, until later. I know it now. Anyway, and sure enough, SIX of those people that night at Mable's joined the program. I've seen em drive by on the way to the country club, which tells me they didn't need no extra money anyway.
Having to remember all them numbers was too much trouble, and I was getting short on folks to talk to so I quit. I didn't need it anyway.
After all, I made $63.17 last year, and now you know why!
PS. If you would like to know more about SFI, just click here.